I am just legally signing a separation agreement for the first time in 1 year.  It has taken this long for that to happen.  In the mean time “he” has found another lonely heart and started an entire new life.  Normally this isn’t anything to blink about, however when I was holding our 14 week old daughter, he casually mentioned that he wanted to have an open relationship, after 11 years, of me supporting him through his career, everyday, through asshole and all 24/7.  Now our biggest production had arrived and he didn’t have any interest.

The worse of it all is watching him change under my very own eyes, because yes he is still here, and yes he won’t leave, so I get tp watch him buy new underwear, leave on weekend getaways, nightly dinners with his new gf, as I watch our daughter.  I live in a city where my family is 1.5 hrs away and my mom just doesn’t drive the highway ( little old portuguese lady).  I have an entire life here, however all my mates have children my age, so its not like they could drop everything to come to my rescue either.  I’m literally in such a hole, because you just don’t leave your baby with anyone now a these days.  I Did find an amazing sitter, then she went away to school, so currently trying to figure it out.  I don’ t mind staying home, I am just alone.  I can’t have anyone come over because its still our home and I have a heart.  I am also 42, I have for everything sorta speak, I gave birth to raise a child not go out and look for a mate ( I was totally blindsided) . I am ok with my life being on hold but I am fucking lonely.

How the fuck did I end up with no career, no partner, a hell of a nightmare divorce with a little weasel Joga Instructor fucking my family life thinking it’s ok to take her father away and lie to me while he has access to her for now.  Lying about work and his whereabouts when later I found out he was with her in the city as I didn’t sleep for 16 months taking care of our daughter thinking he was working?

I literally got so taken, but have the best little amazing girl, who does adore her daddy, as to why I am venting here.  As appose to fucking tearing him a new one via text.  Thanks for listening.